It's not that easy being mean;

It's not that easy being mean;

Having to spend each day beating peasants for the king.

When I think it could be nicer being nice, or kind or bold-

or something much more forgiving like that.

It's not easy being mean.

It seems you blend in with so many other awful things.

And people tend to run away from you 'cause you're not helping them herd their cows-

or water their fields.

But mean's the way I’ve gotta be.

And mean can be fierce and defendy-like.

And mean can be big like a mammoth, or important like a captain, or safe like a keep.

When mean is all there is to be

It could make you wonder why, but why wonder? Why Wonder, I’m mean and it'll do fine, it's passable,

But I think it’s not all I want to be.

(Inspired by the timeless, "Bein' Green" by Joe Raposo, performed by Jim Henson)

Art Source: "kermit" (c)/by CamaraSketch
Story and Characters: (c)/by Brannon Hollingsworth

#MMWW, #Makes, #Me, #Wanna, #Write, #BrannonHollingsworth, #kermit, #Beingreen, #Itsnotthateasybeinggreen, #funny, #kindasad

DNA is only so diverse...

DNA is only so diverse...

When your race

is as old

as the universe,

then there are bound

to be some problems

hidden in your gene pool.

Regardless of which Great Old One you serve:

be it Father Dagon, Mother Hydra, Yog-sothoth,

or even mighty Cthulhu,

there are still limitations

when yer mom and dad do that

"do that they do” (and make you).

Variation is an imperative.

Sadly,

when you’re one of countless brethren

isolated in benthic oceanic realms,

hidden from sight of moral men

by energies both arcane and horrible,

then variation in one’s makeup is about as rare

as hen’s teeth.

So every once in a while,

one of us is born with

less than savory characteristics.

Usually, this is no issue - after all

we know none of us are winning

any beauty pageants. Nevertheless it is pretty tough,

being an inbred Deep One.

Art Source: "afishman" (c)/by gimaldinov
Story and Characters: (c)/by Brannon Hollingsworth

#MMWW, #Makes, #Me, #Wanna, #Write, #BrannonHollingsworth, #DeepOne, #poetry, #poem, #GreatOldOne, #FatherDagon, #MotherHydra, #YogSothoth, #Cthulhu, #funny, #inbred

Hurry...hurry...hurry....must be done a'for he returny....

Hurry...hurry...hurry....must be done a'for he returny....

What was the formulae again? How did the spell begin? Oh, it is so hard to remember when your brain starts getting limber. So hard to think when you're losing all your zinc and when the sprouts they start a'sprouting and the shouts start all a'shouting.

Was it this old book or that new book where the secret words were hid? I cannot remember what my Master did!

Was it salt, was it lime? Why can't I remember all the time? I guess it's just your lot in life when your fate is fork and knife! Did he draw a circle or a square...was it drawn on dirt or air? Oh, this is such a nightmare - all I want is what is mine!

Wait, I think I see it here - this bag, it's hide of deer. Yes, it says it very clear... Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! I hear the footsteps oh-so-clear.

I must quickly cast the spell and I so hope I do it well. Chant the words and hope they're swell if my death I am to quell! The magic happens, I can tell and the life within me begins to swell.

Inside me, somethings moving like a flood. Like sloshing mud is my life's blood. Let me tell you its some crud to be a heartless construct spud...

Art Source: "zoweew" (c)/by herrou
Derivative work by Brannon Hollingsworth

#MMWW, #Makes, #Me, #Wanna, #Write, #BrannonHollingsworth, #funny, #poem, #versestory, #spud #magic, #spell, #familiar, #construct

"You will FALL before the cosmic might of APHELION, Earthscum!"

"You will FALL before the cosmic might of APHELION, Earthscum!"

Wow-o-wow, was my lower back aching! I was beginning to think I was getting too old for this stuff.

Gox materialized right in front of my face and tried his usual third round tactic, de-solidifying into super-heated hydrogen and then trying to ram his misty form up my nostrils. He knew he was inside my reach and thus spared a blast from my dreaded Aphelios Ray, so instead I activated my mystical Cosmos Gauntlet and smacked him away like the pesky bug he was. "I'll smack you into oblivion, Gox, you irritant pest!"

Geez. I really needed to work on my one-liners. But hey, it wasn't my fault that all the good writers were striking. I was stuck with this twenty-one year-old hack pounding out my dialogue. Now, it wasn't like the good ol' days, back when ol' Kirb was helming the pen.

Aurora hammered me in the back of the head with the force of a runaway meteor. "Take THAT, Aphelion!" she trumpeted, her voice echoing across the void like a hundred angelic choirs.

"ARRRRAAAGGGGHHHAAAKKKK!" I bellowed, spinning forward and narrowly missing the moon.

Really? Who makes sounds like that? And why was the moon purple? Who was coloring this week, anyway?

I whirled around, whipping my Aphelios Ray to bear. It's tip glowered like an angry neutron star. "You DARE touch me, human harlot? Prepare to DDDIIIIEEEE!"

Urrgh. Too many more cheesy lines like that, and this Title would be the one to DDDIIIEEEE... 

A slithering, sizzling ray from my most mighty weapon ripped across the fabric of space time and slammed into Aurora, blasting her into utter oblivion. Aurora, Princess of the Heavenly Realms, Defender of Earth, vanished without a sound.

Waaa? That was not supposed to happen. Everybody knew that heroes didn't really die in comic books! After all, that's what mooks and redshirts were for!

I was so completely blown away that I forgot my next line. I just floated there, as mute as one should logically be when floating in the airless depths of space...

"April Fools!!!"

Without warning, Aurora leapt out from where she'd been lurking just behind the moon. Eclipse floated beside her, laughing his little illusion-making head off. Apparently, he'd been hiding on the dark side of the moon the entire time.

"You should have seen your FACE!" howled Gox, appearing in front of me like a cloud and pointing his vaporous fingers in my face.

They were ovbiously all in on it. I could even hear the laughter echoing from OFF.

Very funny, guys. Very funny...can we just get back to work now.

I would never live this one down, even if my Title ran for three centuries.

Art Source: "Kirby Dude" (c)/by RM73
Story and Characters: (c)/by Brannon Hollingsworth

#MMWW, #Makes, #Me, #Wanna, #Write, #BrannonHollingsworth, #funny, #AprilFools, #prank, #comic, #superhero, #notwhatyoumightthink, #fun, #Aurora, #Eclipse, #Gox, #Aphelion

"Father! Tell us again the tale of Yuzu!"

"Father! Tell us again the tale of Yuzu!"

The wizened old man smiled, his dark eyes twinkling. He knew how we loved the tale and he loved its telling. He loved it because it taught us lessons, and he loved it because it taught us to laugh, but most of all, he loved it because it was true. He sipped his saki, and clearing his throat politely, began to speak.

"First, my children. It is important to know that the mighty being of which you speak has a proper name. Do you know what it is?"

We loved this part. It was one of the few times when our Father would allow us to raise our voices while inside. We would not just raise our voices. We would ROAR, "SHISHI YUZU!"

Father would chuckle, nodding. "Yes, my children, and what does this mean?"

Now, we would have to growl. My brother loved this the best. "Lion Yuzu", we rumbled.

"Yes, my children. And Shishi Yuzu was as fierce as any ten lions. This hero possessed the strength of many men and his bravery and prowess in battle are the thing of song. But Yuzu was not just a great warrior, my children, oh no... Yuzu was said to have powers of healing and restoration and that even his blood could heal the ailments of others."

My brother could never wait. He interrupted our father and asked the question that we all knew was coming. "Father! Tell us, when did Yuzu first journey to Japan and Korea?"

We were all grinning, even before the answer came.

My father smiled slyly. "Why, during the Tang Dynasty, of course..."

Art Source: "2 Kung-fu Lemon" (c)/by Gimaldinov
Story and Characters: (c)/by Brannon Hollingsworth

#MMWW, #Makes, #Me, #Wanna, #Write, #BrannonHollingsworth, #funny, #joke, #yuzu, #japan #korea, #story, #shishiyuzu, #shishi

"Spoon?!? You want me to assassinate Spoon?!?"

"Spoon?!? You want me to assassinate Spoon?!?"

I looked up from the image, clipped right off their fourth album's cover, As Hoopy As We Wanna Be. Sure as I was lookin', livin', and breathin', it was Spoon, lead singer and ubermench organist of Galactic Funk Railroad. "Why in the world would ANYBODY want to kill Spoon? I mean, sure, he's a rocker an' all - as hard and as funked out as they come--but com'on, this guy was a legend in 36 quadrillion known galaxies! I mean I love this guy! Heck! Everybody loves this guy! They call him Spoon 'cause he eats his soup with a fork, for being's sake! And G.F.R. has had more multi-mega-ultra-double-PLUTONIUM-plated-platnium-coated-platnium hits than...than....anybody! Why?"

The small man who'd hired me stood stock still. He peered up at me from behind his thick, immaculately polished Viz-Flaro(TM) deep-space screening visor and said not a word. Look, I'm no chump. I'm an internationally known and wanted bounty hunter who made the Kessel Run in...oh, wait, that was that other guy. But anyways, I'm no slouch.

But this little guy made my skin crawl. He was like a little greasy black and white beetle. All rounded curves and shiny surfaces--like if you wanted to try and clap hands on him, he'd be like holdin' onta water, ya know? But, hey, I've been around and I've dealt with my fair share of deep-space scum and world-ownin' boss-barons and intergalactic, dark-cape-wearin' evil overlords...but none of them gave me the willies like this guy.

I tried it from a different angle. "Look, fellah. You've got yer reasons and they're none o' mine. I get it. This ain't my first kill-d-o, if ya get my drift. But com'on! Spoon?! G.F.R. would not even be the same without his sweet, sweet croons, man! And they got an awesome thing goin', fellah. I mean, they say that Galactic Funk Railroad's sound is so smooth that it greases the gears of planetary orbits! This music is so freemy that it makes light speed stop an listen! You don't wanna knock-off ol' Spoony, do ya, pal? Really?"

I'd done my best. I'd given the little beetle-bookkeeper-dude my all. It didn't matter. He just looked at me like I was something he needed to remember to label once he was done with the dissecting. He nodded once. It was a small, but somehow totally threatening motion.

I got the chills. "But....but why?" My voice cracked. I actually thought I might cry a little bit.

That seemed to get to him. One side of his little beetle brow cocked up, like when you get a broken bone but it just don't quite poke outta the skin. "Because. He's my father."

I could'a sworn my jaws hit the floor - both of 'em.

Art Source: "Brax Portrait -Ratchet and Clank CGI Paintover" (c)/by Tonywash
Story and Characters: (c)/by Brannon Hollingsworth

#MMWW, #Makes, #Me, #Wanna, #Write, #BrannonHollingsworth, #funny, #hitchhikersguidetothegalaxy, #assassinate, #G.F.R., #Galactic Funk Railroad, #funk, #70's, #Spoon, #music

Things were about to get real.

Things were about to get real.

The ninja's kistrike tossed me like a leaf on the wind. In the nanosecond it'd taken for me to plummet the fifty feet and slam into the smooth, rounded walls of the Task Chamber, the shadow warrior had already begun to gather his kimanna. I could see it: a small shield-sized sun of scarlet energy gathering on the ninja's back. It simmered like a skillet, it's hungry energy ready to destroy my day - literally.

Silently, the ninja had drawn his criticality-katana, adding it to his already formidable pike of priorities in the blink of an eye.

I staggered to my feet with nothing but my paper-thin Parkinson's Law Armor. It felt like flimsy tissue paper now and I cursed myself for wearing it into battle. My weapon was not much better: an Interruptions Log: a two-foot long length of wood that was nicked, cracked and looking the worse for wear. I knew that it would not last two milliseconds against my opponent's razor sharp blade.

"You cannot win. You should surrender to me." The shadow warrior's voice was cold and electronic. I made a mental note of that and chuckled inwardly at the irony. He did not wait for my reply, but delivered the rest of his line with a note of foreboding and finality. "I will send you to the other world, where glorious tasks await you. Tasks which you MUST complete. A defeat here only means your betterment, as you most assuredly know."

My whole world crashed in on me.

"What was that?" I bellowed. "'Most assuredly know'? 'Most assuredly know?' Who in the world talks like that, Nate? Please? Tell me who!"

The cylindrical, rose-colored Task Chamber dissolved around me into pixelated dust and I ripped off my VR-Hud and ER-Gloves, tossing them around our VR-Framework demo room. I was absolutely disgusted. "Nate! Who in the world did you get to write this guy's dialogue, huh? Some freak off of Fiverr? I mean, 'most assuredly know', really? Com'on man!"

There was silence from the control booth. Nate was busted and he knew it.

"How in the world, Nate, are we going to create the next level in Virtual Reality, Ninja-Battle, Time Management Software with crappy dialogue like that?"

Art Source: "Sketch Ninja1" (c)/by AlekseyBayura
Story and Characters: (c)/by Brannon Hollingsworth

#MMWW, #Makes, #Me, #Wanna, #Write, #BrannonHollingsworth, #Ninja, #battle, #software, #development, #task, #management, #funny, #quirky, #odd, #virtual, #reality