"You will FALL before the cosmic might of APHELION, Earthscum!"

"You will FALL before the cosmic might of APHELION, Earthscum!"

Wow-o-wow, was my lower back aching! I was beginning to think I was getting too old for this stuff.

Gox materialized right in front of my face and tried his usual third round tactic, de-solidifying into super-heated hydrogen and then trying to ram his misty form up my nostrils. He knew he was inside my reach and thus spared a blast from my dreaded Aphelios Ray, so instead I activated my mystical Cosmos Gauntlet and smacked him away like the pesky bug he was. "I'll smack you into oblivion, Gox, you irritant pest!"

Geez. I really needed to work on my one-liners. But hey, it wasn't my fault that all the good writers were striking. I was stuck with this twenty-one year-old hack pounding out my dialogue. Now, it wasn't like the good ol' days, back when ol' Kirb was helming the pen.

Aurora hammered me in the back of the head with the force of a runaway meteor. "Take THAT, Aphelion!" she trumpeted, her voice echoing across the void like a hundred angelic choirs.

"ARRRRAAAGGGGHHHAAAKKKK!" I bellowed, spinning forward and narrowly missing the moon.

Really? Who makes sounds like that? And why was the moon purple? Who was coloring this week, anyway?

I whirled around, whipping my Aphelios Ray to bear. It's tip glowered like an angry neutron star. "You DARE touch me, human harlot? Prepare to DDDIIIIEEEE!"

Urrgh. Too many more cheesy lines like that, and this Title would be the one to DDDIIIEEEE... 

A slithering, sizzling ray from my most mighty weapon ripped across the fabric of space time and slammed into Aurora, blasting her into utter oblivion. Aurora, Princess of the Heavenly Realms, Defender of Earth, vanished without a sound.

Waaa? That was not supposed to happen. Everybody knew that heroes didn't really die in comic books! After all, that's what mooks and redshirts were for!

I was so completely blown away that I forgot my next line. I just floated there, as mute as one should logically be when floating in the airless depths of space...

"April Fools!!!"

Without warning, Aurora leapt out from where she'd been lurking just behind the moon. Eclipse floated beside her, laughing his little illusion-making head off. Apparently, he'd been hiding on the dark side of the moon the entire time.

"You should have seen your FACE!" howled Gox, appearing in front of me like a cloud and pointing his vaporous fingers in my face.

They were ovbiously all in on it. I could even hear the laughter echoing from OFF.

Very funny, guys. Very funny...can we just get back to work now.

I would never live this one down, even if my Title ran for three centuries.

Art Source: "Kirby Dude" (c)/by RM73
Story and Characters: (c)/by Brannon Hollingsworth

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